tocryabout | Fandom survey, then and now

Fandom survey, then and now

The Facts
My Golden Age of Fandom was 17-19. I loved X-Men, Highlander, DS9, and North of 60. My best friend/unrequited crush got me to read Harry Potter, but it never really "took" and I gave it up when we broke up.

Anyhow, in those days my fandom experience was markedly different than it is now.

(a) I read more fics. I didn't need recs from three different respected sources. I didn't click away after two lines. If it had MY character in it and was tolerable, by God I read straight to the end.
(b) I went after more canon. I had to see every episode, read every book, read the biographies of all the cast members.
(c) I never wrote myself, nor did I contribute to lists (except with North of 60, which wasn't a "fandom" as such--the only list in existence forbade ficcing and looked askance at wank and meta).
(d) Slash was a much bigger turn-on. In Highlander I exclusively read slash. I saw slashiness, and saw it everywhere.

__________

19-22: Repeated episodes of depression. Giving a shit is difficult. Fandom activity ceases.
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22-23: Today, I really only participate in X-Men fandom. And "participate" is pretty generous. I don't read the lists, although I am subscribed to them. Still enjoy DS9 and No60, can't ignore Highlander's shittiness anymore. Am enjoying BSG, but find it hard to "break in" to write it -- it's too tight, I don't feel comfortable interfering in the storyline, interpolating and extrapolating. Maybe in a few years.

Differences:
(a) I read much less. If ten stories come up on my flist, I might dare a peek at one of them, IF it's recc'd in the strongest possible terms by someone I respect. I regret this.
(b) I delve into canon much less. Part of this is because it's X-Men, and if you go too deep you might never come out. You can't know everything, and it's discouraging.
(c) I am writing myself, but I'm making very free with the source material. Not terribly prolific, either. Contributing occasionally to meta discussions.
(d) Slash barely interests me at all anymore. Once in a while I find a nice sexy story, but I don't see media through a slasher's filter.

__________

This may sound weird, but I always wanted to be accepted in a fannish community. I felt like these were my people -- obsessive, creative, interested in deconstructing the human psyche and the way we tell stories. To this day, there are fandoms that I want to "get into" because I like the people. But I never have been able to insinuate myself, and now I actually miss how passionate I was about those shows.

So why can't I be that way anymore?
(a) In part I blame university. English courses have warped my ability to just love a fun series. I'm very neurotic about my "taste" so I spend half my time defending X-Men and the rest pretending that I don't like The Dead Zone or Due South (ugly truth: I totally do).
(b) The endlessly chattering critical mind has also ruined my ability to just enjoy a Cyclops story because SCOTT! AW! SQUEE! I really think this is a loss. "Squeevision" is an empathic state, it's unconditional love directed at a fictional character, no matter what form s/he appears in. It's an important ability, in some sense. I can't put my finger on it.
(c) My writing is very stiff and constricted, limited to a few favourite themes that replay over and over. This is how it feels to me, and it may be wrong, but right now one reason that I'm holding off on writing other stories and other characters is fear of covering the same territory. I'm not writing original fic at the moment. I have nothing to say right now except this.

Is my nostalgia for a Golden Age hopelessly weird? Am I wrong in assuming that other people in fandom are basking in the perfect bliss of fannish love? I would be seriously interested in seeing how fannish feelings have progressed for others, in as much detail as you care to muster.

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I think a loss of fannishness comes with age and maturation and education, especially in the humanities. I'm also finding I'm getting more snobbish with my literary tastes. I've read every book in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series except the last one, and I enjoyed them even when I knew they weren't very good. But I can't even bring myself to buy the newest one. I know it's bad, but I know I'd still enjoy it. But like you, I'm worried about my taste and I'd rather be seen reading something serious and respected, even if I wouldn't enjoy it half as much as some brainless fantasy.

But on the other hand, there is intelligent work out there that is still fun, and if you find something that balances it, you can easily get fannish about it again. There are things that your critical mind will fail to deconstruct, or at least not enough to make you dislike it, because it's well written and avoids these serious issues that we're being trained to see. Take Firefly, for example. I'm more passionate about that universe than I have been about anything since high school, because it's fun and smart and funny and well written, and it has a wonderfully rich story that you can deconstruct and look at closely and it still holds up. And there are other series like that, if you look hard enough.

I also like fannish communities, but I still have a hard time finding one I'm comfortable in, just because I'm sick of all the jerkfaces on the internet. No matter how many intelligent, interesting people I find in a community, the idiots are always there and they always ruin it. I know it's like that with life in general, but I like these things because they let me escape from the real world. But that's just me. There are good communities out there.

As for your writing, I think you shouldn't worry about the favourite themes. Because really, there's nothing that hasn't been done before. What matters is your take on the theme. Even if it's one you've already done, how many authors have you studied that have repeated themes over and over? If it's well thought out, and well written, and has a personal take and something to say, it doesn't matter if it's been done. Express yourself and your ideas and it'll be original enough.

I guess I should finally get off my ass and rent Serenity, shouldn't I?

We're reading The Golden Compass in Fantasy Literature class, by the way. Gnosticism ahoy!

See Firefly before you see Serenity. Serenity is still good without it, but you'll enjoy it so much more if you know the backstory.

I love that trilogy so much. Can I take that class?

If only you could. We get to watch Bladerunner.

I don't think you're strange for wanting your Golden Age back. People's tastes change over time, and it can be hard to let go of an interest or passion that you loved before. Also, interest tends to go in cycles. Perhaps, in a few years, you'll rediscover something that you liked before. Or maybe not. Whichever it is, try to go with what makes you happy, and read the stuff that you enjoy. Your tastes in entertainment don't have to answer to anyone but you.

With regards to your writing, every author has certain themes they return to again and again. Stephen King writes pretty much only horror and fantasy, Margaret Atwood focuses on the battle of the sexes and the evolution of society. It's how they deal with those ideas that make them worth reading, not whether or not these ideas are original.

That's what people keep telling me, that I should just read and watch what I want. And yet what I want is not just a fun reading or viewing experience -- I want the element of community, which is what gives rise to creativity. For instance, I loved the show Made in Canada. There's no fandom for that. Nobody fics for it.

In effect, I like fandom better than the media that people are fans of. And that, I think, is a little weird.

I don't have any advice for getting into a fandom; for the four communities I'm a member of I just signed on and started posting. This may or may not work for you, but it's worth a shot.

Made in Canada might be possible to make a fandom for, if you have the time or the inclination. Write up a few stories or character summaries, put them up somewhere on the net, and if they gain attention, start getting more people to watch it and create fics and other fanworks for it.

I don't think you're strange for preferring fandom to the media itself. It can be more interesting to watch how people react to a show or book than perusing the source material.

So, since you've been through extreme fandoms before - help! I'm enjoying BSG too much, and I'm scared.

So? Start writing Lee/Roslin fics forthwith, sir!

When you can't stop crying because something bad happened to Adama, and you're camping out outside Mary McDonnell's house, and you're wearing your BSG uniform to work, THEN start being scared.

Until then it's fun, which is my point. Fandom is wasted on the young!

I want to watch the DVDs now and I'm supposed to be in class all day, thanks a lot.

Here's a question, if it's not gay...can it be slash? Is that possible? And personally I'd rather write Adama/Roslin, I'm rooting for those two crazy kids.

Hum, what if I already do some of that stuff?
It's a shame, when the first part of season one comes out I'm going to rent it with a few friends and watch the whole thing - too bad you're 2 hours away.

Some people will tell you that the "slash" in slash just refers to any pairing -- Adama/Roslin would therefore be slash. This may have been true at one time, but it's a usage that would confuse everyone today.

So yes, slash = gay.

Why would you want to label something as slash if it isn't gay? I'm curious.

I'm not quite sure, I've just always wondered why Slash HAD to be gay, since to ME gay sex isn't all that interesting and I'd much rather read erotic tales about men/women rather than men/men or women/women.

Sooo...you're not a slasher then. You like het. There's nothing wrong with het, so why go after the slasher label?

This is kind of like saying, "Does all water HAVE to be wet? Personally I like stuff to be nice and dry. Where can I get some dry water?"

Your level of sarcasm is not needed! It is however appreciated.

In all seriousness, the general categories are these:

slash: usually m/m, sometimes f/f as well
femslash: specifically f/f
het: m/f
gen: general interest story that doesn't centre around the romance/erotic aspect.

Well alright then. Now I suppose I'll take het. However, do I HAVE to do this? Will I be less of a man if I don't?

Real men write slash! Real men write het! Real men write whatever they want, and don't let nobody tell them what to do!

I'm sure Commander Adama would write slash if he felt like it and had exhausted all his other hobbies (the model ships and such, which I think are so cool).

I would so make little ships or trains or something if I was capable. This is simply more proof as to why Commander Adama is superior to myself.

My writing is very stiff and constricted, limited to a few favourite themes that replay over and over. This is how it feels to me, and it may be wrong, but right now one reason that I'm holding off on writing other stories and other characters is fear of covering the same territory. I'm not writing original fic at the moment. I have nothing to say right now except this.

I have seen growth and deepening in your writing. You may be writing in a narrow vein, but many excellent writers do. You are mining that vein and pulling out gold. If you have nothing to say now "except this" than say it as best you can.

On the loss of "squeevision". I've definitely lost touch with some ecstatic experiences but the ability to be ecstatic remains. I think, in part, I have achieved this by refusing to act "age appropriately". I am a middle-aged man and concerned with things that concern middle-aged men, but I am also a teenage comic geek and, from time to time, a squeeing fan-girl. The thirteen year old who adored and found meaning in Godzilla movies is gone, unfortunately.

If I were forty or fifty, I'd probably be okay with writing in a narrow vein. But I feel like I ought to be experimenting more.

[I read this entry over this morning and realised it sounds pretty weepy, which I didn't intend. I'm worried people think I was fishing for compliments or something.]

I've definitely lost touch with some ecstatic experiences but the ability to be ecstatic remains.

That's an important point. But so many ecstatic experiences are solitary ones; to have them in a community seems like the really rewarding part of fandom, to me, and it's like I've always missed out on that (and other people too -- one of those fandom academics could do a study on people who stay on the periphery of fandom).

Maybe all this just means I need a girlfriend to share my ecstatic experiences with. Or something. *emo tears*

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