Fandom survey, then and now
Jan. 9th, 2006 08:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tocryaboutThe Facts
My Golden Age of Fandom was 17-19. I loved X-Men, Highlander, DS9, and North of 60. My best friend/unrequited crush got me to read Harry Potter, but it never really "took" and I gave it up when we broke up.
Anyhow, in those days my fandom experience was markedly different than it is now.
(a) I read more fics. I didn't need recs from three different respected sources. I didn't click away after two lines. If it had MY character in it and was tolerable, by God I read straight to the end.
(b) I went after more canon. I had to see every episode, read every book, read the biographies of all the cast members.
(c) I never wrote myself, nor did I contribute to lists (except with North of 60, which wasn't a "fandom" as such--the only list in existence forbade ficcing and looked askance at wank and meta).
(d) Slash was a much bigger turn-on. In Highlander I exclusively read slash. I saw slashiness, and saw it everywhere.
__________
19-22: Repeated episodes of depression. Giving a shit is difficult. Fandom activity ceases.
__________
22-23: Today, I really only participate in X-Men fandom. And "participate" is pretty generous. I don't read the lists, although I am subscribed to them. Still enjoy DS9 and No60, can't ignore Highlander's shittiness anymore. Am enjoying BSG, but find it hard to "break in" to write it -- it's too tight, I don't feel comfortable interfering in the storyline, interpolating and extrapolating. Maybe in a few years.
Differences:
(a) I read much less. If ten stories come up on my flist, I might dare a peek at one of them, IF it's recc'd in the strongest possible terms by someone I respect. I regret this.
(b) I delve into canon much less. Part of this is because it's X-Men, and if you go too deep you might never come out. You can't know everything, and it's discouraging.
(c) I am writing myself, but I'm making very free with the source material. Not terribly prolific, either. Contributing occasionally to meta discussions.
(d) Slash barely interests me at all anymore. Once in a while I find a nice sexy story, but I don't see media through a slasher's filter.
__________
This may sound weird, but I always wanted to be accepted in a fannish community. I felt like these were my people -- obsessive, creative, interested in deconstructing the human psyche and the way we tell stories. To this day, there are fandoms that I want to "get into" because I like the people. But I never have been able to insinuate myself, and now I actually miss how passionate I was about those shows.
So why can't I be that way anymore?
(a) In part I blame university. English courses have warped my ability to just love a fun series. I'm very neurotic about my "taste" so I spend half my time defending X-Men and the rest pretending that I don't like The Dead Zone or Due South (ugly truth: I totally do).
(b) The endlessly chattering critical mind has also ruined my ability to just enjoy a Cyclops story because SCOTT! AW! SQUEE! I really think this is a loss. "Squeevision" is an empathic state, it's unconditional love directed at a fictional character, no matter what form s/he appears in. It's an important ability, in some sense. I can't put my finger on it.
(c) My writing is very stiff and constricted, limited to a few favourite themes that replay over and over. This is how it feels to me, and it may be wrong, but right now one reason that I'm holding off on writing other stories and other characters is fear of covering the same territory. I'm not writing original fic at the moment. I have nothing to say right now except this.
Is my nostalgia for a Golden Age hopelessly weird? Am I wrong in assuming that other people in fandom are basking in the perfect bliss of fannish love? I would be seriously interested in seeing how fannish feelings have progressed for others, in as much detail as you care to muster.
My Golden Age of Fandom was 17-19. I loved X-Men, Highlander, DS9, and North of 60. My best friend/unrequited crush got me to read Harry Potter, but it never really "took" and I gave it up when we broke up.
Anyhow, in those days my fandom experience was markedly different than it is now.
(a) I read more fics. I didn't need recs from three different respected sources. I didn't click away after two lines. If it had MY character in it and was tolerable, by God I read straight to the end.
(b) I went after more canon. I had to see every episode, read every book, read the biographies of all the cast members.
(c) I never wrote myself, nor did I contribute to lists (except with North of 60, which wasn't a "fandom" as such--the only list in existence forbade ficcing and looked askance at wank and meta).
(d) Slash was a much bigger turn-on. In Highlander I exclusively read slash. I saw slashiness, and saw it everywhere.
__________
19-22: Repeated episodes of depression. Giving a shit is difficult. Fandom activity ceases.
__________
22-23: Today, I really only participate in X-Men fandom. And "participate" is pretty generous. I don't read the lists, although I am subscribed to them. Still enjoy DS9 and No60, can't ignore Highlander's shittiness anymore. Am enjoying BSG, but find it hard to "break in" to write it -- it's too tight, I don't feel comfortable interfering in the storyline, interpolating and extrapolating. Maybe in a few years.
Differences:
(a) I read much less. If ten stories come up on my flist, I might dare a peek at one of them, IF it's recc'd in the strongest possible terms by someone I respect. I regret this.
(b) I delve into canon much less. Part of this is because it's X-Men, and if you go too deep you might never come out. You can't know everything, and it's discouraging.
(c) I am writing myself, but I'm making very free with the source material. Not terribly prolific, either. Contributing occasionally to meta discussions.
(d) Slash barely interests me at all anymore. Once in a while I find a nice sexy story, but I don't see media through a slasher's filter.
__________
This may sound weird, but I always wanted to be accepted in a fannish community. I felt like these were my people -- obsessive, creative, interested in deconstructing the human psyche and the way we tell stories. To this day, there are fandoms that I want to "get into" because I like the people. But I never have been able to insinuate myself, and now I actually miss how passionate I was about those shows.
So why can't I be that way anymore?
(a) In part I blame university. English courses have warped my ability to just love a fun series. I'm very neurotic about my "taste" so I spend half my time defending X-Men and the rest pretending that I don't like The Dead Zone or Due South (ugly truth: I totally do).
(b) The endlessly chattering critical mind has also ruined my ability to just enjoy a Cyclops story because SCOTT! AW! SQUEE! I really think this is a loss. "Squeevision" is an empathic state, it's unconditional love directed at a fictional character, no matter what form s/he appears in. It's an important ability, in some sense. I can't put my finger on it.
(c) My writing is very stiff and constricted, limited to a few favourite themes that replay over and over. This is how it feels to me, and it may be wrong, but right now one reason that I'm holding off on writing other stories and other characters is fear of covering the same territory. I'm not writing original fic at the moment. I have nothing to say right now except this.
Is my nostalgia for a Golden Age hopelessly weird? Am I wrong in assuming that other people in fandom are basking in the perfect bliss of fannish love? I would be seriously interested in seeing how fannish feelings have progressed for others, in as much detail as you care to muster.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-10 03:19 pm (UTC)[I read this entry over this morning and realised it sounds pretty weepy, which I didn't intend. I'm worried people think I was fishing for compliments or something.]
I've definitely lost touch with some ecstatic experiences but the ability to be ecstatic remains.
That's an important point. But so many ecstatic experiences are solitary ones; to have them in a community seems like the really rewarding part of fandom, to me, and it's like I've always missed out on that (and other people too -- one of those fandom academics could do a study on people who stay on the periphery of fandom).
Maybe all this just means I need a girlfriend to share my ecstatic experiences with. Or something. *emo tears*