Fandom survey, then and now

[tocryabout]

The Facts
My Golden Age of Fandom was 17-19. I loved X-Men, Highlander, DS9, and North of 60. My best friend/unrequited crush got me to read Harry Potter, but it never really "took" and I gave it up when we broke up.

Anyhow, in those days my fandom experience was markedly different than it is now.


(a) I read more fics. I didn't need recs from three different respected sources. I didn't click away after two lines. If it had MY character in it and was tolerable, by God I read straight to the end.
(b) I went after more canon. I had to see every episode, read every book, read the biographies of all the cast members.
(c) I never wrote myself, nor did I contribute to lists (except with North of 60, which wasn't a "fandom" as such--the only list in existence forbade ficcing and looked askance at wank and meta).
(d) Slash was a much bigger turn-on. In Highlander I exclusively read slash. I saw slashiness, and saw it everywhere.

__________

19-22: Repeated episodes of depression. Giving a shit is difficult. Fandom activity ceases.
__________

22-23: Today, I really only participate in X-Men fandom. And "participate" is pretty generous. I don't read the lists, although I am subscribed to them. Still enjoy DS9 and No60, can't ignore Highlander's shittiness anymore. Am enjoying BSG, but find it hard to "break in" to write it -- it's too tight, I don't feel comfortable interfering in the storyline, interpolating and extrapolating. Maybe in a few years.

Differences:
(a) I read much less. If ten stories come up on my flist, I might dare a peek at one of them, IF it's recc'd in the strongest possible terms by someone I respect. I regret this.
(b) I delve into canon much less. Part of this is because it's X-Men, and if you go too deep you might never come out. You can't know everything, and it's discouraging.
(c) I am writing myself, but I'm making very free with the source material. Not terribly prolific, either. Contributing occasionally to meta discussions.
(d) Slash barely interests me at all anymore. Once in a while I find a nice sexy story, but I don't see media through a slasher's filter.

__________

This may sound weird, but I always wanted to be accepted in a fannish community. I felt like these were my people -- obsessive, creative, interested in deconstructing the human psyche and the way we tell stories. To this day, there are fandoms that I want to "get into" because I like the people. But I never have been able to insinuate myself, and now I actually miss how passionate I was about those shows.

So why can't I be that way anymore?
(a) In part I blame university. English courses have warped my ability to just love a fun series. I'm very neurotic about my "taste" so I spend half my time defending X-Men and the rest pretending that I don't like The Dead Zone or Due South (ugly truth: I totally do).
(b) The endlessly chattering critical mind has also ruined my ability to just enjoy a Cyclops story because SCOTT! AW! SQUEE! I really think this is a loss. "Squeevision" is an empathic state, it's unconditional love directed at a fictional character, no matter what form s/he appears in. It's an important ability, in some sense. I can't put my finger on it.
(c) My writing is very stiff and constricted, limited to a few favourite themes that replay over and over. This is how it feels to me, and it may be wrong, but right now one reason that I'm holding off on writing other stories and other characters is fear of covering the same territory. I'm not writing original fic at the moment. I have nothing to say right now except this.

Is my nostalgia for a Golden Age hopelessly weird? Am I wrong in assuming that other people in fandom are basking in the perfect bliss of fannish love? I would be seriously interested in seeing how fannish feelings have progressed for others, in as much detail as you care to muster.

Comments

[fourlittlesongs.livejournal.com]

I think a loss of fannishness comes with age and maturation and education, especially in the humanities. I'm also finding I'm getting more snobbish with my literary tastes. I've read every book in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series except the last one, and I enjoyed them even when I knew they weren't very good. But I can't even bring myself to buy the newest one. I know it's bad, but I know I'd still enjoy it. But like you, I'm worried about my taste and I'd rather be seen reading something serious and respected, even if I wouldn't enjoy it half as much as some brainless fantasy.

But on the other hand, there is intelligent work out there that is still fun, and if you find something that balances it, you can easily get fannish about it again. There are things that your critical mind will fail to deconstruct, or at least not enough to make you dislike it, because it's well written and avoids these serious issues that we're being trained to see. Take Firefly, for example. I'm more passionate about that universe than I have been about anything since high school, because it's fun and smart and funny and well written, and it has a wonderfully rich story that you can deconstruct and look at closely and it still holds up. And there are other series like that, if you look hard enough.

I also like fannish communities, but I still have a hard time finding one I'm comfortable in, just because I'm sick of all the jerkfaces on the internet. No matter how many intelligent, interesting people I find in a community, the idiots are always there and they always ruin it. I know it's like that with life in general, but I like these things because they let me escape from the real world. But that's just me. There are good communities out there.

As for your writing, I think you shouldn't worry about the favourite themes. Because really, there's nothing that hasn't been done before. What matters is your take on the theme. Even if it's one you've already done, how many authors have you studied that have repeated themes over and over? If it's well thought out, and well written, and has a personal take and something to say, it doesn't matter if it's been done. Express yourself and your ideas and it'll be original enough.

[youngest-one.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're strange for wanting your Golden Age back. People's tastes change over time, and it can be hard to let go of an interest or passion that you loved before. Also, interest tends to go in cycles. Perhaps, in a few years, you'll rediscover something that you liked before. Or maybe not. Whichever it is, try to go with what makes you happy, and read the stuff that you enjoy. Your tastes in entertainment don't have to answer to anyone but you.

With regards to your writing, every author has certain themes they return to again and again. Stephen King writes pretty much only horror and fantasy, Margaret Atwood focuses on the battle of the sexes and the evolution of society. It's how they deal with those ideas that make them worth reading, not whether or not these ideas are original.

[ex-the-epic80.livejournal.com]

So, since you've been through extreme fandoms before - help! I'm enjoying BSG too much, and I'm scared.

[talktooloose.livejournal.com]

My writing is very stiff and constricted, limited to a few favourite themes that replay over and over. This is how it feels to me, and it may be wrong, but right now one reason that I'm holding off on writing other stories and other characters is fear of covering the same territory. I'm not writing original fic at the moment. I have nothing to say right now except this.

I have seen growth and deepening in your writing. You may be writing in a narrow vein, but many excellent writers do. You are mining that vein and pulling out gold. If you have nothing to say now "except this" than say it as best you can.

On the loss of "squeevision". I've definitely lost touch with some ecstatic experiences but the ability to be ecstatic remains. I think, in part, I have achieved this by refusing to act "age appropriately". I am a middle-aged man and concerned with things that concern middle-aged men, but I am also a teenage comic geek and, from time to time, a squeeing fan-girl. The thirteen year old who adored and found meaning in Godzilla movies is gone, unfortunately.